Rat Squealed Too

What follows is a short excerpt from my journal explaining why my recent posts have gotten so weird. I know it sounds crazy, will admit I am afraid of being sent to the hospital for it. But I’m hoping this is what it takes to get the games to stop.

Some background

In college I wrote about the negative consequences of technological development — surveillance, psychological damage, etc. I believed that the only way out was the collapse of technological society. I could see no way that a mere reform would do. Any reform adequate enough to address the problems would completely disrupt the economic and social stability of the technological system.

More, the underlying reasons humans are doing poorly in technological society is because their artificial environments are “out of balance” with their needs as ecological creatures. And because these artificial environments are human-controlled, those who have more power to manipulate the environments can create an illusory reality for anyone who has no other option but to live in them. As a result, those who live in the artificial environments and have no power over them become the pawns of those who do have power.

The best option we have, then, is to restore lost land, push back on industrial development, and be open to the collapse of the whole technological juggernaut. Otherwise our already precarious present situation will only worsen, and with the added problems that come with biotechnology, AI, increased reliance on computing, etc.

To back these ideas up, I wrote a book about them, then dropped out of college to live in a primitivist commune in Western NC, hoping to learn to live off the land. There I learned a lot, and unfortunately one of those things was that the industrial way of life and its consequences cannot be escaped. For example, we could not properly get our food from the wild land because of property laws, weapon restrictions, and the eradication or extinction of important food species like the American Chestnut. Roads messed with the food web. Pollution or previous development on the land made the soil all out of wack… In short, I was right: only by stopping industrial development and restoring wild lands can we do anything to solve the problems with technological society.

For various reasons I was in bad shape after leaving the commune, but eventually picked up again, got a job, and started imagining what a reaction against industrial technology would look like. And in the middle of it all —

Some explanations

a bunch of people started toying with my brain in ways I can barely understand or remember. They got a lot of people in on it, probably all for different reasons.

Literally whole towns would be fully populated with people staring at me; or the whole town would be emptied of cigarettes one moment and full of people smoking the next; etc.

People knew what I was typing on my computer, and what I was looking at on my phone, and what I was saying and doing in my home.

They appeared where I ate or drank and fine-tuned the environment for behavioral manipulation, and

See I can’t even talk about it without seeming crazy, and it’s made worse by the fact that I can’t remember a lot of it.

But on the other side of it all I ended up in Greensboro with no money, no pet, no job, no house, and a bunch of people who again seem to know something about me, but each something different I think — and no one will say they know me — again I seem crazy.

Except it’s proof that I was right: that our sciences of human behavior are very much advanced enough to program certain behaviors or fixations or tendencies into people; that our surveillance apparatus is very much advanced enough for even the most intimate details of our lives to be strewn before the public, that we could easily create certain behaviors just by creating the illusion that our secrets are known.

It’s hard to tell what’s going on at any given moment because of how thoroughly “they” can manipulate your reality. And there seems to be few ways to resist it, esp. in a situation like mine where I’m homeless and moneyless, and since everyone else seems to be “in on it” — although each with a different conception of what “in on it” means.

It’s esp. hard b/c you can’t distinguish btwn who is helping or hurting you. The smiles often look the same.

And I’m scared to talk about it because I’m afraid it might be some kind of gang thing or something like that. Even writing about it makes me feel like I’m in danger, like I’m a snitch or something. And some people seem to really think that it is a secret kind of thing, that I shouldn’t “snitch” or talk about it — but I can’t tell if their realities are being manipulated too b/c no one will speak plainly about it, with each other or at least not with me. In fact I can’t even tell if they’re just saying that to me to see if I’ll do it anyway; they might not even believe it! It may just be part of the game.

Worst of all, I can’t imagine talking about it will do much to grant me legitimacy. Who would believe it? Who am I now? A homeless drop out, with a crazy paranoid story. The best I have to offer to the truthfulness of the story is that there is a clear point in my posts where I went from sober-headed and reasonable analyst to batshit crazy, frenetic, compulsive paranoiac…

I want to tell more about the story, but like I said I don’t exactly feel safe talking about it, so I’ll just see what the consequences of this are. Enough people have been involved, I guess, that someone is bound to see this post and back me up at some point.


  • Mark says:

    Huh Jacobi, that sounds tough. I dont really understand what you mean with the people in towns staring at you and cigarettes disappearing. It sounds a bit psychotic for me at least that comes to mind to me. Do you think that the goverment kind of brainwashed you and you were the witness of it but if you come out to people theyll think you are crazy? I wish you the best and take care! Always like to read on your site but this post sounds a bit abstract. Hope to hear from you soon!

  • Tom says:

    Hi Jacobi,

    that does indeed sound very abstract. Do you believe that some sort of elitist rulers brainwashed you because you were a threat to some kind of world order? At least thats what i remember from some conspiracy theories i remember. What do you mean with ,,a bunch of people started toying with my brain,,? Whom do you mean with ,,they,,? It could be a bit psychotic or paranoia aswell, at least it comes to my mind with the cities and people starring at you and that things dissappear. I hope you can take care of your self and that you find people who will be there for you. I hope to hear from you soon and i always like to read on you blog and hear from you.

  • Robert McGuinn says:

    I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for revealing your deepest thoughts to us all. We all should be as brave. Thank you!

  • JG says:

    Keep it going, we all struggle in this world but I’ve always enjoyed your writing and I know you’ve got shit worth saying. Hope you continue to persevere man

  • Thranduil says:

    LSD is bad medicine.

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